Boxcar Dreams

After a while the loud clicking of the train rushing over metal tracks turned out to be a nice melody. As time ticked on and it continued, it began to lull the illegal company it harbored to sleep.

click. clack. click. clack.

For the past hour, Anda had listened to its steady beats, and for a while he'd hummed to it, but then he fell out of it and just laid quiet.

Shadows and shapes of trees and landscape rushed by his vision, blurred. The cool country air carried its own interesting scents with its cooling grace. With deep inhales he could smell bales of hay, firewood crackling, and food cooking. In a while it would make his stomach growl and he would not be able to satisfy it or meet its demands. Damn the wind and its cruel double edged sword. With its relief from the sun and the heat, it also tortured with wafts of food. Even the scent of something simple, even a microwaved meal, made him drool. It had been a long time since he had had an honest meal. Canned beans and franks eventually got tiring. But it was something, and something was a lot more than most people in their situation had. He tried to remain thankful and optimistic.

The heat didn't make that easy. It was hot in the day, and it was hot in the night. Sometimes it was too hot in the boxcar, and during the day the wind seemed to disappear, and he and his companion were reduced to stripping nude and laying on their backs on the warm wood for relief.

As he sat up and removed pieces of straw from soft brunette, he looked around the car for the shadowed figure of the other boy.

He was there, propped up in the corner, fiddling with his pants. Anda was surprised they were still on in all honesty. Liam spent most of his waking hours nude. It wasn't as if he minded.

The tanned and thin boy crawled, unsteady on his feet, to the corner, and slid into the taller's open arms as if he had been invited. His body flush to his was so natural, he often joked that he had been made that size specifically to rest against him. Liam never disagreed.

"Where do you think we are now?" He asked, as fingers swept through his hair.

"No idea.. in the middle of fucking nowhere that's for sure.. I haven't seen any buildings pass for quite a while.. we haven't stopped either.. doesn't feel like we're slowing down anytime soon."

He nodded and turned his head to the side, watching the scenes fly by again. "Do you think we're still in the US?"

"Dunno." Liam said, twirling strands of hair around his fingers as he spoke. He tugged a little, and then released it, combing it back into place just to take it up again moments later. "It feels like we've been on this train for forever doesn't it? But it's gotta stop eventually.. we'll stretch our legs then and try to figure out where we are, and where we'll go next."

"But you never know, we could finally be where we wanna be." Anda mused, lifting his head to meet his eye, hopeful, optimistic. "You still believe that right? You still believe we'll find home?"

"Course I do." Liam reassured, grazing his forehead with his lips. "Even if it's not today, or tomorrow. We'll find it eventually."

As Anda laid his head back down, and closed his eyes to listen to his heart thumping in his chest, he spoke again, softer this time.

"Besides... it doesn't matter where we go.. it doesn't matter how long it takes us.. at least not to me."

"Really? Why?"

"As long as i'm with you, i'm home." Liam said quietly. "And that's all I need."

Anda said nothing, just furrowed his brows together and listened contently to the beating of Liam's heart as he was deep in thought. No one had ever said the kind of things Liam said to him. Not once in his life. Every word out of his lips was like pure bliss and it squeezed his heart, right through his skin and between his ribs.

It was almost inhuman how utterly perfect he was. During the mindless hours of being numb from the drugs that'd always plagued his system, Anda had thought Liam was another hallucination, another trip, and he was so scared he would sober up and lose him, he'd gone into a binge or two.

Liam was no lifeline. He was his life. He clung to him like his oxygen, like the stars to the silky curtains above.

He could break him so easily, it was terrifying in a way. But he trusted him. Anda trusted Liam with his entire being, and even if he got hurt, every second of it would be worth it to him. To feel like this, just so very briefly, it was worth any pain he could ever feel.

"Anda?"

"Hm?"

"Where do you see as home? Is this a disappointment to you? I'm tryin', I promise."

"Home..." Anda murmered, keeping lids down. "Home is in your arms. And they could never be disappointing."